It is now June.

Because I have a tendency towards tardiness it's taken me til June to get round to this years spring clean. Extending the top-to-bottom clean into the nooks and crannies of virtual spaces I have finally addressed my issue with pictures and videos posted on this blog being squashed into an unaccommodating column so I have forgone the oh so very last month layout and opted for this boring but functional w i d e angle one. I hope this is a welcome change, if only for those of you with macular degeneration.

Being the month of my birth, despite rain unfailingly blighting the blessed day every year, June is a happy month. Officially the start of summer; holidays, hot weather, bbq's, drinks and nibbles on the patio, evenings stretched out to justify the use of the chiminea - ah, the chiminea. Chim chim cha roo. Unfortunately all the open windows and aforementioned spring clean flushed out the spiders. I actually found the beginnings of a funnel web attached to my window.

I have killed two large house spiders today. Although I won't entertain the option of letting them live it doesn't bring me pleasure to kill them. I think this is only because it's rarely a quick or painless event. Hairspray and other aerosols are commonly implemented because they are effective from a safe distance, although I admit these are the rare occasions my hypocrisy comes into play - I won't use aerosol deodorant because they contribute to greenhouse gases but I will use a whole can if necessary on a spider that just won't die. I end up watching in horror and disgust as their their legs twitch helplessly, silently begging me to release my trigger finger, and worry that every brutality brings me one gate closer to the pit of hell.

I killed one the other day that was trying its best to stay incognito half under my bathroom door, it was the half that I almost trod on that gave it away. The incident went something like this:

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The sound echoed the frenzied force in which I attacked it. One of its limbs detached and stuck to the bashing implement as I withdrew it. I had just killed - mutilated and decapitated a house spider. My chest heaved in shock and I let out a sort of half-sob. I realised I was filled with equal hatred and pity, both for myself and the black smudge on the linoleum floor.

I can't tell you how the one earlier met its end. You'll never look at me the same way again.