Sunday with the Munsters

After the commotion of the genuinely affectionate goodbyes (even though we will see most of them tomorrow), the drive home (with severe onion fumes putting massive pressure on the inner sanctum of the picasso/lunchbox), and the inevitable kerfuffle that ensues getting inside the house; all is silent. And very dark. I am sitting at my desk catching up with my correspondence, still in my coat, and I realise - everyone has scurried away to their rooms, turned the lights off and closed the doors. How is it that these crazy people, so high on social activity, wine, and country walks can so immediately switch off?

More often than not, on Sundays we will take a drive out of town into bumpkin country to spend quality family time with ex-Londonites of Munster Road and my non-blood aunties' sister and cousins and all their beautiful children, who are now much like our own family. These days pan out as; bbq food, many bottles of wine, eventually a chorus of rock songs, and always very obscure, odd, often unsettling conversations.

Today, these conversations consisted of subjects thus:

1. Speculations as to whether my Grandfather has his sights set on a new wife in Thai dialysis nurse, Pantip, who he met during my Grandmothers demise, and why he would be a good catch for her. Obviously a wildly inappropriate and discomforting conversation for his only present blood relative to be privy to.

2. Emily envelopes me in a choke hold and informs me, in her typical cartoon character voice, that she would like to chop off my head and put it in a jar full of liquid, just like in Futurama. She is 7.

3. Angela and Janice recall their former naturist neighbours "No one ever knew what his face looked like".

4. Angela recalls how her Dad, the recently deceased and very missed Ron (The Don), in an attempt to help around the house and save money, cut her fringe. And how he very carefully cut around her eyebrows "To frame her eyes."

5. Janice says she would like to swap Emily for Maggie (our Yorkshire terrier). Emily protests and says she will just take Maggie. We say that's not a fair swap and that she has to give us something in return. She says "I'll take Maggie. You can have my Dad."

6. Millie informs me that lots of people at school have counselling. "I think I should get a counsellor." I ask her what is wrong with her. She shrugs. "I think it's a trend."